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chatter/ch.2 #2695, from hshubs, 3096 chars, Sun Feb 25 23:25:17 1990
Comment to 2685. 
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"It was April the 41st
being a quadruple leap-year
I was driving in downtown Atlantis
My Barracuda was in the shop,
so I was in a rented Stingray,
and it was overheating.
So I pulled into a Shell station,
they said I'd blown a seal.
I said, "Fix the damn thing
and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"
While they were doing that, I walked over to a
place called the Oyster Bar.
A real dive.
But I knew the owner,
he used to play for the Dolphins.
I said, "Hi Gill!"
You have to yell, he's hard of herring.

Chorus:
Think I had a Wet Dream,
Cruising through the Gulf Stream.
oooooo ooooo oooo oooooooo
Wet Dream...

"Gill was also down on his luck.
Fact is, he was barely keeping
his head below water.
I bellied up to the sand-bar,
he poured me the usual:
rusty-snail, hold the grunion,
shaken, not stirred.
with a peanut-butter and jellyfish
sandwich on the side,
heavy on the mako.
I slipped him a fin,
on porpoise.
I was feelin' good.
I even dropped a sand-dollar
in the box for Jerry's squids,
for the hallibut.
Well, the place was crowded.
We were packed in like sardines.
They were all there
to listen to the Big Band
sounds of Tommy Dorsal.
What sole!
Tommy was rockin' the place
with a very popular tuna:
"Salmon-chanted Evening"
and the stage was surrounded by
screaming groupers,
probably there to see the
bass player.
One o' them
was this cute little yellow-tail,
and she's giving _me_ the eye.
So I figure this's my chance for
a little fun.
Y'know: piece of Pisces.
But she said things
I just couldn't fathom.
She was too deep!
Seemed to be under
a lotta pressure.
Boy, could she drink.
She drank like a...
she drank a _lot_.
I said, "What's your sign?"
She said, "Aquarium."
I said, "Great, let's get tanked!"

Chorus

I invited her up to
my place for a little
midnight bait.
I said, "Come'on baby, it'll only
take a few minnows,"
She threw me that same
old line: "Not tonight,
I gotta haddock."
And she wasn't kiddin'
either.
'Cause in came the biggest,
_meanest_ looking haddock
I'd ever seen
come down the pike.
he was _covered_
with mussels.
He came over to me,
he said, "Listen shrimp,
don't you come trollin'
around _here_!"
What a crab.
This guy was steamed.
I could see
the anchor, in his eyes.
I turned to him and
said, " A-balone!
You're just being shell-fish.
Well, I knew it was
gonna be trouble,
and so did Gill,
'cause he was already
on the phone to the cods.
The haddock hits me
with a sucker punch.
I catch _him_ with
a left-hook.
He _eels_ over.
It was a fluke, but
there he was,
laying on the deck,
flat as a mackerel.
Kelp-less.
I said, "Forget the
cods Gill, this guy's
gonna need a sturgeon."
Well, the yellow-tail
was impressed with
the way I landed
her boyfriend.
She came over to me,
she said, "Hey big-boy,
you're really a
game fish.
What's your name?"
I said, "Marlin."

Chorus

Well, from then
on, we had a whale
of a time.
I took her to dinner.
I took her to _dance_.
I bought her a bouquet of flounders.
And then I went home with her.
And what'd I get for my trouble?
A case of the clams."


Most of "Wet Dream" by Kip Addotta, from
_Dr. Demento Presents The Greatest Novelty CD of All Time_,
published by Rhino Records.