The Philosopher's Song

from Monty Python Sings by Monty Python, 1992

Corrections requested!

I-mmanuel Kant was a real piss-ant
WhoÕs ver-y rar-ly sta-ble.
Hei-degger!  Hei-degger was a boos-ey
begger who could think you un-der the ta-ble.
Dav-id Hume could out-con-sume
Wil-helm Frie-drich He-gel,
and Witt-gen-stein was a beer-y swine
whoÕs just as sloshed as Schle-gel.

ThereÕs no-thing Nie-tzsche cou-ldnÕt teach ya
Õbout the rais-inÕ of the wrist.
Socrates him-self was per-man-ently pissed....   [drunk]

John Stewart Mill, of his own Free Will
on half a bottle shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey evÕry day.
Aristotle! Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram...
And Ray Descartes was a drunk-en fart:
ÒI Drink Therefore I Am.Ó

Yes, Socrates him-self is particularly missed:
a lovely little thinker but a bugger when heÕs pissed!